| 004. 21 September, 2022 |
[June 21 2010 / 09:44pm] |
[WARDED TO LANCE ACKERLY]
Oi, you. What the bleeding fuck did you send me? It's fucking brilliant.
Thanks
[END WARD]
I've decided to get a head start on my Theatre Appreciation monologue. However, instead of a monologue I will be doing a performance piece and I need an appropriate title.
So, while I think most of you are tits, please share your opinion on which of the three following titles sounds the most intriguing:
1. Venereal Disease at the Dinner Table
2. NUDE: A Living Sculpture of Elisabeth Higgs
3. How To Control Minds Using Only Your Vagina: A Womb-stravaganza
Oh, and eggs will be involved.
Opinions?
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| 003. 15 September, 2022 |
[June 15 2010 / 12:22am] |
You know how you lot are a heap of irritating fuckwits?
Well, let's just say you're all still fuckwits, but I'm no longer a virgin.
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| 002. 10 September, 2022 |
[June 10 2010 / 02:15pm] |
I have compiled a list of reasons why we all ought to be happy. Yes, there is much to be thankful for, so shut the hell up and listen - or read, technically - and consider the following examples:
1. Life offers many benefits: People die.
2. Those who almost die, but don't, eventually die in the end.
3. Looking for ways to express your creativity? Try suicide. Methods range from self-guillotining to listening to a group of Hufflepuffs trying to debate philosophy. This also means one less whiny moron will contaminate the gene pool.
4. One does not have to feel obligated to physically maim very, very ignorant and sexually uneducated people oneself; let STDs do it for you.
5. 80% of miscarriages are male; this happens for a reason.
6. Arsenic trioxide can easily pass as powdered sugar.
7. Humans taste like pork. This means we do not have to sacrifice quality for cost. People: The other white meat.
No need to thank me. Just doing my duty.
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| 001. 1 September, 2022 |
[June 01 2010 / 11:22pm] |
You people. I swear, if I have to listen to one more mindless idiot complain about the food or the weather or something equally banal, I will turn homicidal and go on a serial rampage.
If you lot are going to complain, you ought to complain about things that actually matter, like the current overpopulation crisis and rising rates of illiteracy and the fact that babies are selfish, manipulative and inconsiderate little twats.
And before you label me an emotionless misanthropist (although you would be correct in doing so) and plead that I "just consider the children," ask yourself this: Has a baby ever offered to take on a job or help out around the house or just generally stop being selfish? No. It's just "Oh, look at me, I'm an innocent baby. Aren't I adorable? It's all about me, me, me!" They are arrogant, self-involved and - worst of all - they never share.
Right... So, as I said, stop complaining.
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